Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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