I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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