my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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