Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
