Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
