We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
