I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
