Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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