fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
