She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
