He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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