Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
