Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so much tequila, so little girl.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
