omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
