His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're like the curious george of whores
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
