Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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