it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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