Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
