you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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