Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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