I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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