Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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