i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
