I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
