Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
