So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
