I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
