who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
