guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
