Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
