we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize