Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
