Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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