yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
