Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
