Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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