i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
