we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
