Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize