My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
