After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
