Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
COCAINE IS GR8
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
