I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You should frame my arrest warrant.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
