Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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