I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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