im having a threesome with these popsicles
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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