God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
