Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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