dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
