I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
