Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
