she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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