Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
