So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
