10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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