ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
