what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is wine microwaveable?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
