i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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