please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
