Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize