he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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