forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
