I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
