you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
