you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
