But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
