btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
