i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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