pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I look better un-naked...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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