Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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