Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
