Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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