Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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