I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
